army jokes

i think there is not egnouf humor in theres forums so post any army jokes you know for people limit the languge and no "adult things" and any thing you know elle whould allow

in ten years from now will they have a soviet reunoin?

Darn! I had an old book full of jokes used by ANZAC troops. I can't find it now.

"bother" said pooh and call ed in an air strike ......bother said pooh and loaded his last round

"Bother" said pooh as he Hid Piglets corpse.

There are to MArines wandering around AN Iraqi village, they decide to do a routine patroll through the streets and meet up at the roundyvou point.
20 mins later, one soldier finds the other has already arrived at the point, he comes up closer too him, the man is sitting up, but he is expressionless and and his eyes appear to be glazed over. The consious man calls in a medical team. "I have found my friend, I think he may be Dead." he is told "Firstly check to see if the man is really dead..." through the reciever is heard...BLAM!


Elle is standing in the middle of a field. out of nowhere a juic carton come hurtling at him and stickes him in the nose...I want to shoot your nose again!

Stupied Tim you are so going down the next time I see you. But first joke was good though Tim second over the top.

I dunno, they were both pretty good

I Agree with Mikey

BUT TELL SOME JOKES PEOPLE!

Well, you're in luck. I'm bored and I've found the booklet.

SURE TO PASS

An admiral was conducting an examination for the Navy. To one of the candidates he said:-
"Now, my lad, who in your opinion were the greatest saliors in the history of the world?"
For a moment the young man looked puzzled, then his face lit up.
"I'm sorry, sir," he quietly replied, "but I did not catch your name when i entered, but the other two are Nelson and Beatty."

ALL AT SEA

"Well, me boy," said the captain of the new midshipman. "The old story, I suppose? Fool of the family sent to sea."
"Oh, no, sir!" replied the youth. "That's all changed since your day."

PEDIGREES NOT REQUIRED

A snobbish old major was asked by a firm if he would recommend a certain man for a job. The major wrote back:
"Mr. Blank is an excellent young man. He is the son of Major Blank, grandson of General Blank, cousin of Sir Henry Blank, nephew of lord Blan, and he is otherwise well related."
The firm wrote back:-
"Thank you very much for your letter of recomendation concerning Mr. Blank. But we must point out that we require him for clerical work, not for breeding purposes."

EGGS-ACTLY

The lonely soldier entered a tea-room in Auckland.
"May I take your order?" the young waitress inquired.
"Yes," he replied, "two eggs and a kind word!"
The waitress brought the eggs and was moving away when the soldier stopped her. "What about the kind word?" he said.
The waitress leaned over whispered: "Don't eat the eggs!"

ONE TO GO

A commando soldier on leave had spent a long evening at the villiage inn with some friends. They showed him a quick way home across the fields, forgetting that the local bull was loose. The bull attacked, not recognising the beret.
The unfortuanate animal was gripped by the horns and lugged about the field until it managed to break free and bolt.
"Pity I had those last two drinks, " said the soldier. "I would have ought to have got that chap of his bike."

FINE WORK

Private Huggins (peeling potatoes): Lumme! This kitchen fatigue. There seems no end to it.

Private Dibbly: Stop grousing, will you? How'd you like to be in the Japanese army an' have to peel rice?

IMPOLITE

Several New Zealand airmen had been holidaying over the weekend and were discussing their various hosts.
Snow said: Bill, do you know Lord Bifford?
Bill: Rather. I was shooting at his place last week.
Snow: Did you hit it?

TOUGH

"Two days without food or water," annouunced the Commando to an admiring audience in the local; "think of that."
"Pretty bad," agreed a middleaged man; "but how would you like to have fought in the trenches in Flanders? Sometimes we'd be up to our waist in icy water and mud for a week or more."
"Call yourselves soldiers?" snorted a very, very, old man who had hobbled up to the bar. "Pah! When I was in the Zulu war, a spear knocked me down and pinned me to the ground. I couldn't move, and I lay there for over a week without food or drink."
"By Jove!" exclaimed the Commando hero. "It must have been painful."
"Not very," answered the old man; "only when I laughed."

PLEASED TO MEAT HIM

A Captain attached to HQ had brought the Colonel home to dinner.
"Daddy," piped up little Tommy at the table. "Isn't this roast beef we are having?" "Why yes, Tommy," replied his father.
"Daddy's such a tease," laughed the little boy as he addressed the Colonel at the table. "He told Mummy he was bringing home old mutton-head for dinner."

CAGING HITLER

An ANZAC and his small son were on the express from Auckland to Wellington. Across from them sat two Kiwis in uniform. The little fellow pointed to one of the soldiers and demanded: "Father, where is he going?"
"He's going to capture Hitler," repied the father.
The boy considered the problem for a bit and then asked, "well, wha's the other one going to do?"

GUN-POWDER

"It's a fact," he said with pride, "that people often take me for a member of the Guards."

"Really," she drawled, "shin, railway, mud or black?"

Good job Tim you must have been really bored but they are quite good jokes being honest

These are only the best ones. There was more, as well as some songs in the book too.

all rely good great jod tim